A Gay Man's Guide to Dating

Internet services targeted to gay men have multiplied rapidly, making it possible to chat in real time, place and respond to personal ads, and even cruise other guys in the proximity of a mobile phone.

Gay Dating History

In days of yore, gay folk found themselves relegated to the edges of society, gathering in tight-knit secret cells of friends or in such places as public restrooms and seedy bars sometimes raided by corrupt police.

Times changed with the liberation movements during the last half of the 20th century and, along with other groups, gay people gained certain civil rights, such as the right to gather peaceably and cruise in public, meeting face-to-face in the streets, in the bars and bathhouses, and in various social and political organizations.

Then, at about the same time as the AIDS crisis reached its nadir, gay guys discovered how to date via the Internet.

Advantages and Disadvantages of Meeting Gay Partners Online

Since many gay people have access to computers, the Internet allows guys to meet each other in the comfort and privacy of their own homes. A gay man no longer has to brave the smokers and drunks in the bar. He can reveal as much or as little as he wants about himself, with or without a current picture, for example.

However, profiles of gay men tend toward exaggeration, especially in regard to certain physical attributes. Without seeing someone in person, it's more difficult to assess their appearance and ones loses the intelligence gained from body language.

Where Gay Men Can Find Dates Online

Online daters must take care to find out what they can about someone before assuming that he is who he says he is. Never give that person personal information – bank account numbers, mother's maiden name, etc, – that can be used for identity or other theft.

Meeting first in a public place, such as a friendly cafe, restaurant, or bar, is a wise precaution, rather than inviting an unknown person into the home on the first date. If you do invite someone home, tell a friend or two to check in on you if they don't hear back by a certain time.

And remember to play safely – avoid passing on HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases.

Some people cruise so much on the Internet that the rest of their life suffers, so it's best to avoid addictive behaviors online just like everywhere else.

How to Get a Gay Guy

But for those lonely men out there who are struggling to get a guy, here are some tips to help with that important personal quest.

Gay Men Need to Put Themselves Out There

The most important thing for a gay man to do in landing a guy is to put himself out there, into the dating realm. So many guys sit back at home and hope to meet that perfect guy by happenstance. But there is no way this is going to help anyone find the perfect guy.

There are many different activities gay men can do in which they can meet someone to possibly date. They can:

  • Go to gay bars and clubs, the most classic way to find someone.
  • Join an online dating service that can help set people up.
  • Join a sports organization, such as a gay tennis league, etc.
  • Join a gay gym.
  • Go to gay coffee shops or stores to meet people.
  • Find a local gay supermarket and flirt.
  • Ask friends to ask friends to meet more friends.
  • Use missed connection websites to find a guy.

Be Aggressive and Go for the Guy

If someone meets the guy of his dreams, it’s important for him not to step back and wait to be pursued. It is now the time to take action, and ask this guy out on a date. The guy may be interested as well but too shy to make a move, so if both parties don’t act, nothing will happen. Ask him on a date to the movies or dinner. On the date t will be possible to see if there’s enough chemistry to pursue this long term.

Follow Up After Dates

After meeting the guy, having a sparkling first date, and knowing that there’s interest, it’s time to follow up after the date. A text message the next day or even a phone call lets the other guy know there’s interest. It doesn’t mean there needs to be another date right away, but there should be some type of communication to keep the connection flowing. So many people go on a great date and then just wait for a phone call that’s not coming. Both parties should make some effort.

The gay community is a tough road to navigate, and even more difficult to navigate if single. Finding a guy may be a very difficult venture, but by being active, putting yourself out there, and opening up lines of communication with attractive potential mates, there may be many more tables for two instead of tables for one.

Brave New Cyberworld

Gay guys can take advantage of this new virtual world to increase their chances of finding the right date, whether in place of or in addition to other means in the more physical realm. If nothing else, and especially for those who live in isolated locations or in more homophobic areas, the Internet offers gay folks another way to connect with one another.